mouthfeel

From June 2008 to April 2010, I lived, worked, and ate in Seoul, Korea. I started this blog before Tumblr added the Content Source field. I took all of the food photos here, unless otherwise noted (like in a link or via). Use your judgment.

My personal Tumblr is here. I am currently blogging for the Los Angeles Times Tumblr.

Jan 15
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I already rhapsodized about the In-N-Out burger, but you should have a visual of the animal-style fries in the background. Sorry that I couldn’t get a pic of the innards; I was starving and impatient at this point. How to Enjoy In-N-Out Short way: 1. Eat a cheeseburger, or a Double-Double if you are so inclined (every guy I know and about 25% of girls I know). Only losers get In-N-Out burgers without cheese. Long way: 1. Eat a cheeseburger (or Double-Double). Try animal style if you eat messy or protein style if you’re watching your carbs. Savor each bite. Memorize them. 2. Leave the California/Nevada/Arizona vicinity for an extended period of time. 3. At three months, consider yourself an In-N-Out ambassador as you proselytize in your new state or country. Proudly display the oval sticker on your Moleskine. 4. At four months, talk about In-N-Out incessantly. Wax nostalgic with other Californians and wave off non-Californians with all their talk about Krystal or White Castle or whatever. Note: Shake Shack and Corner Bistro fans may be allowed to have their say but must always be responded with, “That’s not really fast food, though.” 5. At five months, eat at your local McDonald’s, go back home. Cry and masturbate simultaneously. Repeatedly ask your friends, “But what if I forget it, and then later it wants to come back to me — AND I WON’T WANT IT ANYMORE?” 6. At six months, congratulate yourself for having moved on. You’ve tasted a lot of new things that your new state or country has to offer, and you feel very Zen about it all. Like, you figure if it’s supposed to happen, it’ll happen. 7. Book tickets home. For days before your flight, consider whether first meal should be any variation of the taco, or In-N-Out. 8. Finally return to California. Good tacos require a longer drive to the heart of Los Angeles. Bite tongue when Mom suggests Zankou; she’ll quickly realize it is too far, and she is hungry, too. Note: Real Californians know the two closest In-N-Out’s within driving distance of their house; most of us know pretty much every single In-N-Out near every freeway we drive. For instance, the three closest In-N-Outs to me in the Valley are: 1) off the 101 exit on Ventura/Cahuenga, 2) Burbank and Lankershim, and 3) off the 101 exit of Van Nuys on Ventura. 9. Have furious make-up drive-thru at the closest In-N-Out. Flirt with cashier and ask for peppercinis. Open-box your order instead of closed-bagging it so you can look at it and smell it on your way home. 10. Return home and make sweet, sweet mastication. Happy burgasms.

I already rhapsodized about the In-N-Out burger, but you should have a visual of the animal-style fries in the background. Sorry that I couldn’t get a pic of the innards; I was starving and impatient at this point.

How to Enjoy In-N-Out

Short way:

1. Eat a cheeseburger, or a Double-Double if you are so inclined (every guy I know and about 25% of girls I know). Only losers get In-N-Out burgers without cheese.

Long way:

1. Eat a cheeseburger (or Double-Double). Try animal style if you eat messy or protein style if you’re watching your carbs. Savor each bite. Memorize them.

2. Leave the California/Nevada/Arizona vicinity for an extended period of time.

3. At three months, consider yourself an In-N-Out ambassador as you proselytize in your new state or country. Proudly display the oval sticker on your Moleskine.

4. At four months, talk about In-N-Out incessantly. Wax nostalgic with other Californians and wave off non-Californians with all their talk about Krystal or White Castle or whatever. Note: Shake Shack and Corner Bistro fans may be allowed to have their say but must always be responded with, “That’s not really fast food, though.”

5. At five months, eat at your local McDonald’s, go back home. Cry and masturbate simultaneously. Repeatedly ask your friends, “But what if I forget it, and then later it wants to come back to me — AND I WON’T WANT IT ANYMORE?”

6. At six months, congratulate yourself for having moved on. You’ve tasted a lot of new things that your new state or country has to offer, and you feel very Zen about it all. Like, you figure if it’s supposed to happen, it’ll happen.

7. Book tickets home. For days before your flight, consider whether first meal should be any variation of the taco, or In-N-Out.

8. Finally return to California. Good tacos require a longer drive to the heart of Los Angeles. Bite tongue when Mom suggests Zankou; she’ll quickly realize it is too far, and she is hungry, too. Note: Real Californians know the two closest In-N-Out’s within driving distance of their house; most of us know pretty much every single In-N-Out near every freeway we drive. For instance, the three closest In-N-Outs to me in the Valley are: 1) off the 101 exit on Ventura/Cahuenga, 2) Burbank and Lankershim, and 3) off the 101 exit of Van Nuys on Ventura.

9. Have furious make-up drive-thru at the closest In-N-Out. Flirt with cashier and ask for peppercinis. Open-box your order instead of closed-bagging it so you can look at it and smell it on your way home.

10. Return home and make sweet, sweet mastication. Happy burgasms.

tags: u.s.a. in-n-out